How to Ask for Help and How to Help Others

From Foster Care to Freedom: Guiding the Next Chapter Series

How to Ask for Help

Growing up in the system can often mean that we had to learn independence earlier than most young people our age. I know for me personally there were times when I felt like I needed to handle everything on my own. By the time you reach your late teens and early twenties it can feel like you’re carrying the weight of the whole world on your shoulders. But what I want to remind you is that needing help doesn’t make you weak, it just means that you’re human.

A lot of us are probably used to hearing “push through” or “don’t rely on anyone”, but the truth is we aren’t meant to go through this life alone. Even the most successful people have supports systems and teams that they can lean on. Asking for help isn’t a sign or failure, it’s a sign of stability and growth.

So, what does asking for help look like? It can be as simple as saying “I’m struggling, can you help me walk through this?” or even just asking someone for advice. Help doesn’t always mean money or a big favor, it can be as simple as giving guidance, encouragement, or just simply listening.

I want to also remind you that sometimes you will have to ask for help multiple times. Not everyone that you ask for help will be able to help you, and that’s not a reflection of you. By reaching out you’re showing self-awareness and resilience.

You’ve already survived so much, don’t be afraid to let others walk with you as you move forward.

How to Help Others

Helping Others Without Losing Yourself!

As you get older you may feel a pull to help others. It could be friends, family, or even younger youth in the system who looks up to you. Your desire to give back is powerful! You’ve been through challenges, and your story can make a difference. But the truth is, if you pour everything into helping others, without helping yourself, you can easily run out of energy, hope, and motivation.

Setting Boundaries

Boundaries don’t mean that you don’t care. It means you care enough about yourself to stay healthy. If one of your friends is calling you every night to vent, but by the end of the conversation your drained, it’s okay to say, “can I call you back tomorrow”? Boundaries keep you from burning out.

Know Your Limits

You can’t solve everyone else’s problems, no matter how bad you want to. Sometimes the best way to help someone is to simply listen or even help them find resources to speak to a professional about what’s going on. Taking on more than you can handle won’t make you a hero, it will just make you overwhelmed.

Take Care of Your Own Needs

Sleep, food, work, school- those are your basic needs. If they aren’t being met everything else will feel harder. Helping others is important but so is staying on track with your own goals and dreams.

Find Balance

Imagine helping others as if it were a bank account, if you’re constantly withdrawing from the account but never making a deposit, you’ll be left with nothing. Make time for things that recharge you, things like journaling, reading, drawing etc.

At the end of the day helping others should feel good, not like a weight crushing you. By taking care of yourself first you’re not only protecting your own well-being, you’ll also be able to show up for others in a stronger way.