How to Make Your Voice Heard While Respecting Others

When I was in foster care, there were many times I felt like my voice went unheard. I remember sitting in court, wondering why the adults around me were making all the important decisions about my life. Although I knew they had the best intentions for my safety and well-being, I couldn't help but feel frustrated and angry. I was angry because there wasn't space for my voice to be heard, and I was frustrated because I didn't know how to advocate for myself. Not only was this experience a major factor in my learning the importance of self-advocacy, but it also laid the groundwork for me to find my voice.

Speaking up was nerve-racking because my voice had gone unheard for so long. I had to constantly remind myself that my voice mattered, even when it felt like no one was listening. Despite the challenges that I faced when pushing my voice to the forefront, finding my voice and learning how to advocate for myself was empowering. Embarking on the journey of self-advocacy in foster care prepared me to navigate future conversations where I had to advocate for my needs to feel safe, valued, and heard.

The Power in Being Heard

During my last family court hearing, I thought about what self-advocacy looks like. I wanted to know whether there was a gentler way for me to get my voice heard that didn't feel as intimidating as standing up and speaking in a courtroom full of people. I wanted to use my voice to advocate for myself while remaining respectful of others. It wasn't until the weeks leading up to my next court date that I stumbled upon the idea of writing a letter to the judge handling my case. I wrote a letter addressed to the court and brought it with me the day of my hearing. Although I didn't speak up in the typical way, my voice was definitely heard. The judge took time to read my letter, thanked me, and told me how impactful it was. From that point forward, instead of the judge speaking only to the adults in the room, he included me in every conversation.

Different Ways to Speak Up While Being Respectful

• Write a letter/email: Communicate your thoughts and concerns to the supportive adults in your life through written documentation.
• Create a self-advocacy plan: Outlines your goals, needs, and concerns. You can share it with the adults in your life to be included in the decision-making process.
• Join focus groups or surveys: Whenever an opportunity came up to join a group or complete a survey about anything related to foster care, I participated. I liked the anonymity of sharing my thoughts about foster care without the pressure of anyone knowing it was me. It felt like I was advocating not only for myself, but for every youth in care who felt similarly to what I shared.
• Create a vision board: I created a vision board every year, which consisted of photos and inspiration for what I wanted the following year of my life to look like. I'd share it with my caseworker, which led to conversations about the goals I had for the future.
• Know your rights: I requested a copy of the Foster Care Bill of Rights from my caseworker. I referenced it whenever I felt like my rights weren't being honored. It was a huge part of my toolkit as I navigated self-advocacy. It served as a guideline for what I was entitled to and encouraged me to discuss my needs.

Balancing Advocacy & Respect

The first step I took when finding this balance was speaking up for myself while being considerate of others. I focused the conversations on what I felt and didn't assume the thoughts or opinions of anyone else involved. I listened to feedback and considered what the adults in my life shared with me. I was able to express myself without making the other people around me feel unheard or disrespected.

Your Voice Matters

Your voice matters and deserves to be heard. You should be involved in conversations about your life because it's your right, and no one knows your life better than you! Whether these conversations are about your placement, education, or future, your input matters. While the adults in your life only want the best for you, they won't know what you need or want without you expressing it to them.

Extra Resources

• What is Self-Advocacy https://www.understood.org/en/articles/the-importance-of-self-advocacy
• Self-Advocacy: Improve Your Life by Speaking Up https://www.betterup.com/blog/self-advocacy
• 9 Tips for Respecting Other People's Boundaries https://psychcentral.com/relationships/how-to-respect-other-peoples-boundaries#tips-to-consider